I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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