so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
