no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
