Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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