Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
