hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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