seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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