garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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