he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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