forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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