You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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