yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
