I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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