yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
