I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just want to make out with him forever
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
