Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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