I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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