as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
