you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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