I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize