Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
