The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
