I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
