No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
