Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize