1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
