I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
