What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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