Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
