Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
