so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
