Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
