If i need to get strippers involved i will.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
