I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I've blown a few things in my day
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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