it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
