ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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