True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
