Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
