dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
