I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
