It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
