shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
