just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
