when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
