He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
