So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
