Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize