i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
