Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize