why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
