You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
