i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
