i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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