My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This is the high leading the old right now
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
