I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
