So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
