i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
