Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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