dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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