Can i not drive my cunt home
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
