She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
