It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Randomize
