i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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