So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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