Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
